Foster Children

Because May is National Foster Care Awareness month, I’d like to end the month with a poem by Ina Hughes. It’s simply titled “Foster Children”.

Foster Children 
Ina Hughes

We are responsible for children
   who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
   who like to be tickled,
   who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
   who sneak popsicles before supper,
   who can never find their shoes.

And we are responsible for children
   who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
   who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
   who never go to the circus,
   who live in an x-rated world.

We are responsible for children
   who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
   who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
   who cover themselves with Band-aids and sing off key,
   who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
   who slurp their soup.

And we are responsible for children
   who never get dessert,
   who have no blanket to drag behind them,
   who watch their parents watch them die, 
   who can't find any bread to steal,
   who don't have any rooms to clean up, 
   whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
   whose monsters are real.

We are responsible for children
   who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
   who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
   who like ghost stories,
   who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub,
   who get no visits from the tooth fairy, 
   who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
   whose tears we sometimes laugh at, and
   whose smiles can make us cry.

We are responsible for children
   whose nightmares come in the daytime,
   who will eat anything,
   who have never seen a dentist,
   who aren't spoiled by anybody,
   who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
   who live and move, but have no being.

We are responsible for children
   who want to be carried and for those who must,
   for those we never give up on and
   for those who don't get a second chance,
   for those we smother, . . . and
   for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to
   offer it.

Another Common Adoption Myth

You’ll never be able to love an adopted child as much as you would a child who is biologically related to you.

This is probably the fear that keeps some people from even considering adoption—and the one that in the end turns out to be the biggest myth of all.  Adoptive parents sometimes feel pressured to bond with their children immediately, when the truth is that people who give birth to their children don’t always bond instantaneously, either. Whether you give birth to a child or adopt one, the reality is that you will fall in love, just sometimes not on day one, and that’s okay.

This article was originally published in the March/April 2009 issue of Conceive Magazine.

Credit: http://www.conceiveonline.com/deciding-to-adopt/top-10-adoption-myths/page-11/

A Common Adoption Myth

"Adoption is the consolation prize when fertility treatments don’t work."

This is a very common feeling, says Lowinger. “Forming a family through adoption may seem like second-best to parents who are still fantasizing about the jointly conceived biological child they wanted.” She continues, “You really have to mourn the loss of having a child by birth before you adopt, for your sake and the child’s. Adoption is not a solution to infertility. It’s a solution to wanting to become a parent.” Lowinger points out that a parent’s feelings of loss about not having a child by birth may actually help develop empathy between her and her child, who will most likely experience feelings of loss having to do with being relinquished by his or her birth parents.


Credit: http://www.conceiveonline.com/deciding-to-adopt/top-10-adoption-myths/page-9/

May is National Foster Care Month...You Can Change a Lifetime!

Each May, National Foster Care Month provides an opportunity to shine a light on the experiences of the more than 400,000 children and youth in the foster care system. The campaign raises awareness about the urgent needs of these young people and encourages citizens from every walk of life to get involved – as foster or adoptive parents, volunteers, mentors, employers or in other ways. With the help of dedicated people, many formerly abused or neglected children and teens will either reunite safely with their parents, be cared for by relatives or be adopted by loving families. Many children would not have to enter foster care at all if more states provided support and services to help families cope with crises early on. Thanks to the many advocates, child welfare professionals, elected officials and support groups around the country, the total number of children in foster care has decreased over recent years.  But more help is needed. Every year, approximately 30,000 young people leave the foster care system without lifelong families – most at age 18. On their own, these young adults must navigate a weakened economy offering fewer jobs and less support for vital services such as housing. They need – and deserve – caring adults who love and support them. We call on all Americans to join us in helping to change a lifetime of a child or youth in foster care. No matter who you are or how much time you have to give, you can help create permanent, lifelong connections for these children and youth. All children — including the 424,000 American children and youth in foster care — deserve a safe, happy life. Young people in foster care especially need nurturing adults on their side because their own families are in crisis and unable to care for them.  Credit: http://www.fostercaremonth.org/Pages/default.aspx

What is GPS?

Have you heard that DHR has classes that are required to become a foster and/or adoptive parent? Have you ever wondered what they’re all about? Have you wondered why you need them if you’ve already raised your birth child(ren)?

Group Preparation and Selection (GPS) is a 30-hour course that allows potential foster/adoptive families an opportunity to understand the strengths & needs of children who have spent time in the foster care system. During GPS sessions and through homework assignments potential foster/adoptive parents are asked questions that allow families to assess their own strengths and allow the social worker to get to know the family and their strengths. The groups usually meet for three (3) hours one evening per week for ten weeks. If you are married, both parents are required to attend all sessions.

The following is an outline of the topics covered during these ten-week sessions:

MEETING ONE: Welcome to the Group Preparation and Selection Program

MEETING TWO: Where the MAPP Leads: A Foster Care & Adoption Experience

MEETING THREE: Losses and Gains: The Need to be a Loss Expert

MEETING FOUR: Helping Children with Attachments

MEETING FIVE: Helping Children Learn to Manage their Behaviors

MEETING SIX: Helping Children with Birth Family Connections

MEETING SEVEN: Gains and Losses: Helping Children Leave Foster Care

MEETING EIGHT: Understanding the Impact of Fostering or Adopting

MEETING NINE: Perspectives in Adoptive Parenting and Foster Parenting

MEETING TEN: Endings and Beginnings

The GPS process is led by two facilitators, one a social worker from the agency and the other a trained foster/adoptive parent.

Do you have questions about GPS? Please use the contact us link on the right and I will be more than glad to provide you with more information.