Avoiding Feelings of Isolation

Adoptive parents often feel that society looks more closely at their parenting preparedness and skill than to the preparedness and skill of biological parents. In many respects this is true, because of the rules and regulations established by the State Department of Human Services, and the adoption agency's responsibility for the well being of the child.

Some of the challenges that new adoptive parents may face include:

• Feeling that their own needs are not being met.
• Feeling isolated from friends.
• Feeling embarrassed to admit that challenges exist.
• Trying to do everything without help.
• Trying to please everyone.
• Feeling that everyone is watching and ready to critique the job they do.

Friends and family can help new parents overcome some of these challenges by inviting them out to a movie or sporting event, being willing to listen without giving too much advice, and offering a couple of hours of respite care once in a while. Additional support can come from services and resources for parents available in most communities.

In Alabama, APAC (Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections) has numerous Adoptive Family Groups (AFG) across the state that are offered to families at no cost. These AFGs are a wonderful place to network with other adoptive parents and gain insight from families just like you who may have faced similar challenges. These groups also offer an opportunity for adopted children to interact with one another in structured, fun activities that are led by a child therapist.

APAC also offers up to 20 free family counseling sessions to 1) families who are approved for adoption and waiting for placement of a child, 2) families who have a child 18 or under placed in the home with a plan for adoption by that family (the adoption does not need to have been finalized, but TPR must have taken place and the parents must be the identified adoptive resource for the child), and 3) families with a child 18 or under who was legally adopted -- whether through DHR or privately.  For more information on AFGs or Counseling services that APAC offers, please use the contact us link on the right sidebar of this blog.

Carrie Craft, host of the on-line newsletter, Your Guide to Adoption, was adopted, and as an adult has become an adoptive parent. She describes the adoptive parent as a gardener of love, mender of wounds, embracer of all, keeper of memories, weaver of lives, finder of lost things, and finisher of the race begun by another. Parents, both adoptive and biological, develop these skills by having a positive attitude, networking, creating a support system and with a lot of hard work.

Credit: Janet Benavente and Sheila Gains, February 2008,
"Families of Choice" updated August 29, 2011
Colorado State University